Musings
by SnowySilver
Summary: One-shot. A man muses in the night while others sleep, thinking about life, the future... and love.


Title: Musings  
  
Author: SnowySilver  
  
Summary: One-shot. A man muses in the night while others sleep, thinking about life, the future... and love.  
  
Disclaimer: I've got about ten bucks. Do you REALLY think I can buy Inuyasha with that?.... I didn't think so.  
  
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He watched her, sometimes.  
  
She didn't know it, of course. He'd never let her catch him; he was too well practiced for that to happen. Also, she was usually asleep.  
  
He wondered sometimes, too. About life after the battle. About a life that might be with her.  
  
All right. So he wondered about that a lot.  
  
Mostly, though, those late nights, he watched her, and thought about her, - just her, never anyone else - and wondered, more than he did during daytime. It was like she was taking over him... that had never happened before, in all his years.  
  
A lot of the time, he thought about her smile. And her laugh. She had such a beautiful smile, such a lovely laugh. She didn't laugh enough for his tastes, or smile; she never could, he thought. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing that magical sound. It had become one of the main reasons he was in on this thing, with all its tedious traveling and harsh battles... besides the whole revenge and Jewel shards thing, of course.  
  
Did she want to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her? Did she want to be with him at all? Kami-sama, he hoped so. He didn't think he could live if she rejected him permanently. Oh, sure, he'd pretend he didn't care, and that everything was fine, but he'd withdraw into his own personal shell and die inside. He knew it as one knows night from day.  
  
That thought frightened him more than anything. That she should have so much control over him... he didn't like it. It was new, and unnerving, and one of his first instincts was to push away.  
  
Then again, another instinct told him... quite forcefully... to run forward with all his strength. And, since he never had been one to run from something, that was the instinct he followed.  
  
And so, when he watched her during the night, while everyone else was asleep, he wondered if he had done the right thing. To take the plunge, and pursue her. Sometimes he wished he hadn't. But he knew these things; once a step is taken on a new path, it cannot be retracted. So he loved - was that really what this was? - with all his might, and if she didn't know it, then so be it. She would, after the final battle, perhaps, and however she took it... well, that was how she took it.  
  
Kami-sama, he hoped she felt the same way he did. Hoped it with all his heart, and all his soul.  
  
That was why he watched her sometimes. Because, if she didn't return his feelings, he wanted to have as many memories of her as he possibly could, and if that meant losing sleep, well, then, so be it. It was a small sacrifice, really.  
  
And some nights, very rarely, when he was thinking about her smile and her laugh more than usual, and he saw the peaceful expression sleep granted her, the expression that adorned her sweet face so rarely lately, his hand moved of its own accord and touched her, ever so gently, on the lips.  
  
Of course, that usually resulted in a sore jaw and a hand print on his face, but that was acceptable.  
  
After all, he mused, if one cannot always get a laugh and a smile, a scream and a slap can be the next best thing.  
  
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Written: 3/27/04  
  
Posted: 4/11/04  
  
A/N: Ack! Took me a while to post this. CocaCola43, my awesome and revered beta-reader, had to help me a LOT with the title (thanks!!!), and we ended up agreeing on a slightly over-used one. The story, also, didn't turn out exactly as I had planned, but I think it worked out well. What about you? Good, bad, horrible, wonderful, what do you think? I'll never know unless you tell me!! (Yes, this is my not-so-subtle ploy to get you to review. Please do, I want your opinions!!!)  
  
Happy Spring and all the holidays that go with it!!! 


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